Friday, September 23, 2016

{detachment}

'Remember, detachment means separating yourself from other people's behavior.'~read in online article

I've already written the quote above in one of my journals, and might write it on the white board I use during the day as well.  I absorb ideas, thoughts, news, sob stories, you name it.  I drink it in, take it as my own and pay for it later.

This week we (or rather, two of my girls) watched the son of a friend for a few hours.  Sweet folks, but lots of baggage.  A mental drain.  My girls were exhausted afterward, but they'd not admit it.  The next morning they both slept in, a healing sleep.  I'm more aware of how life can beat up on a person, depleting already-thin energy levels.  And while I deeply want to be available for this young family, my own extended family has so worn me out that I can't do what I used to do.  The ability to 'do' just ain't there.

We can help, but not frequently, and not all the time.  And sadly, sometimes what I want to do isn't what I need to do.  I want to help; I need to say no.

I've discovered that I can do one major thing a day.  One outing, one trip to the library, one grocery store visit.  One.  More and I'm panting the next day.  Chores.  Bet if I substituted pleasurable things for the busy work I could maybe do more things.  But I rarely do that.  My fun quota is way low.  

In bed now, resting.  Round two of going to my mom's soon.  I have to put on my big boy pants when I go over there.  She's sweet and all, but I just don't cherish our time together.  Wish I did.  Thankfully our youngest son is good to spend Friday afternoons with her, just keeping her company.  I don't know how he does it.  Amazing, really.  The girls and I will pick up a few more things she needs, tidy her house, change the bed and head back here.  

And more rest.

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