'She needed to reclaim the basic syntax of her existence...'~from Anna Quinlan's Still Life With Breadcrumbs
Listening to The Tenors over and over and over. Quite addictive. Sometimes forget how thrilling music makes me feel. Gets those endorphins all stirred up.
My mind has been adrift for oh, so long. Reclaiming my life from the shadows. So easy to slowly become swallowed up by either grief or sadness. To allow others to smother up our joy.
I think I realized how quickly the years are passing and I don't want to squander anymore of them. Plus, and this is a biggie....my health is a bit wonky at times. Nothing terminal, but I need to pay attention. Have become fond of taking what we call around here: Mental Health Days. Those times when you don't schedule anything that taxes your wee brain. I've become sensitive to the way I feeeeeel when certain things crop up. I take a mental inventory and say to myself, "Okay, do you really want to do this? Is the cost to your happiness worth it? Does the person asking you to do this aware of how hard it is for you? Does this particular thing make you nervous and is your heart rate up? Does your head hurt?"
Smartest thing I've ever practiced is being intentional about my own needs. My goodness, has it taken a long and brutal time. It's been the time frame of the hard bits that have been trying. Too much in too short space of time. And here's the thing....nothing out there is any different. If anything, it's worse or more deeply grained. Sinners will sin. And with my mom....she's the same, which is a blessing, but she's likely to stay just like she is until the Lord calls her home. Hard to have to be depended on so much, but it's as it should be. And I might add, my husband is amazing in terms of my mom. Absolutely amazing.
So, I take Mental Health Days and am kind to myself. Sleep in a bit when it's possible, because nobody else will take care of me if I don't. They might try, but it's my responsibility. Thinking the whole of next week might fit under the MHD category. Mental Health Week is a brilliant idea.