Have this new routine, not one I've chosen, where I wake up at around 4:30am and can't get back to sleep. I know. Pretty stinky. Anyway, rather than get frustrated this morning, I went out back and sat and that's all I did. Just sat. Listened to the tree frogs and crickets. The occasional Mockingbird, who appear to be sort of noisy lately at all hours. I've noticed them being flirty with one another. I keep telling them it's not time for more babies. Knock it off!
I was feeling a bit desperate. Needing to put some things in categories in my head. Anxious. Which seems to be my natural state. Take an Enneagram test, or just read results. I'm a number 6, spot on.
As I was sitting there, cool out, just nice to be alone and quiet, I finally heard that Still Small Voice. He said it's the small things that are important. I'd been allowing my thoughts go to politics (and yes, I'm voting--not sitting this one out by any means) and too much was stuck in my brain. Too much out of my control (which means most everything). And that Voice. Love that Voice.
It's the small things.
I got to thinking of how I've gotten in the bad habit of just existing. Forgetting how much in the past I've enjoyed decorating the house, putting little seasonal things out, hanging the wreaths outside to correspond to the time of year, that sort of thing. I set the table now in a basic way, forgetting to dust the house, and allowing life to become mundane in my heart. Just for the sake of being tired. Too much effort.
Bought two fall tea towels the other day, and some more Halloween lights. See, I'm trying. Black cord with green, orange and purple lights. Have a strand of them in the kitchen window already, and orange gently flickering ones in the living room doorway. Thinking I'd like to hang these somewhere before newly-married son and his bride come here for Thanksgiving week. Decorate. Put out pretties. Think happy thoughts.
Have to recalibrate my actions at home. Find time to make the little things important. Let the kids see that my head is indeed still on straight, and that even with outside stresses within my family and in the world, things at home continue to run smoothly. It's a process.
Since I was up anyway, got the crockpot ready with that yummy Mississippi Pot Roast, which my husband has a fancy for...smells pretty good in our house. Will cut up some white potatoes to put in the pot later on, when the meat's almost done. Whip up some biscuits. Take my time doing it. Let my senses hold sway. And really, think on this: When we treat our senses---smell, taste and sight, especially in the kitchen, it spills over into the rest of the day.
Maybe it be so.