Had my tea in bed (in the dark) this morning with my husband asleep beside me. My safe place.
Had a call from my mom's rehab yesterday at 3pm while the least one and I were waiting for my youngest son to get off work. Sitting in the hot van in the grocery store parking lot --Indian summer --seems my mom had an episode as they call it. Sudden drop in BP, non-responsive, pupils dilated, though Mom says she heard every word they said. Trip to the ER and every test known to man checked out fine. She's back at the rehab once more. Thankful for that.
Those phone calls. My goodness. You realize someday the phone call will be that call, the dreaded one, and you die a little every time you recognize who's dialing.
She's had a similar episode before. Seems her brain, since this stroke, is shorting out every once in awhile. Not firing right.
Deep, calming breaths.
For a couple of months I've dealt with sore bones and joints. Like my soul is bruised. I sometimes get up like an old woman. So tense. I know it's my continual state of *what's next* that's plaguing me. So hard to escape that feeling.
No more surprises, please.
Craving delicious hot food. Stew simmered all afternoon. Biscuits with melted butter. Comfort food. The safety of serving a dinner that nurtures my family.
Closed curtains, lamps burning, reading in bed, clean hair, washing up after eating, sleeping dogs.
Rest. Today may it be so.