Re-thinking what relaxing means. Maybe that's more about practicing what it means.
I was listening to our middle daughter talk yesterday about her babysitting job---the little boys she helps watch from time to time had dressed up for Halloween at Mother's Day Out. One was a ladybug and the other was something I can't remember. My point is that they were having fun. I need me some fun.
My brain is so overfull of responsibilities. I realize I'm replaying what I always talk about, but until I get this down pat, that's probably the way it'll be. Maybe this will be my life as long as my mom is paramount of importance. Her unhappiness with her predicament plays out to being my unhappiness. That has to stop. I mean, really.
Her life. My life. There has to be a separation.
My out-of-town brother came to visit her this week. The one whose house flooded. With volunteers helping them rebuild their home, his time is precious. Can't just up and leave town whenever he gets the urge, I imagine. Schedules must be met. Mom was disappointed that their visit was so brief, but she didn't whine about it. Was more philosophical. She's a talker and loves it when folks will come by and natter on. The two youngest girls and I were with her the other day and Mom was polishing her nails. The room got quiet and she said, "Somebody talk!" I told her we didn't talk like her and we all laughed. Mom doesn't like white space, preferring noise to silence, even if it's nonsense. Her mom was the same way, apparently. I never knew her, so can't compare. But all this means is Mom enjoys company and lots of talk. I prefer the opposite. Too much noise makes me crunchy.
I can feel myself being wound up. Tense shoulders. Thinking through things. Overthinking. Making myself take some breaths.
This weekend needs to be chill time. And with two birthdays next week, two of my girls, there will plenty of play-time. Need to make the most of it. Think I'll cook something delicious for dinner.
Birthday shopping later on. And it's Friday. I do love Fridays.