Sometimes I still experience those crystal moments when JOY seeps into my spirit. When I feel happy like I used to feel happy. That happened just a few minutes ago, brought on by hearing some geese fly overhead. Gone now, but sweet while it lasted.
The reality of my mom coming to live with us right after Christmas casts a shadow. Only with God's help can this work. I dread it. Her physical care will be so extreme, and her personality is changing to one of paranoia, linked to the type of stroke she had. She sometimes can't be reasoned with and imagines things. Very strange.
We've gone back and forth about where to put her hospital bed. No spare room. The girls have offered one of their bedrooms and will squeeze together. Willingly. They're so awesome, my sweet girls.
Sometimes the right thing to do is so difficult. And the idea of therapists coming in and us losing the privacy of our house is hard for me. A sense of refuge will be gone. I'm such a hermit.
This would be easier if my relationship with my mom was warm and loving. But it's not. Prickly.
But our newly-married son and his bride come into town soon. Joy again. And today I'll deep-clean the dining room in preparation. Today, which is all I have, is good. I'll draw in some peace. Just do today.
Be thankful for this quiet and beautiful fall day. Glad our molting chickens feel better. Happy we have leftover birthday spaghetti from my husband's day, and for no need to get out. And cleaning that will bring me a lift when the furniture is all changed around. Always a visual treat.
May it be so.