Monday, December 26, 2016

{the 26th}

Happy day after. I love the day after Christmas, the great exhale. Extra busy at church, children came over yesterday, and it was overall a sweet weekend. But glad to be on this side of it.

I love my quiet. And it's glorious outside today. Windows up, breezy and sunny. Very not December-ish. Tomorrow will be cooler, though. Best enjoy this day while I can.

Had a call from my mom's rehab late last week. She's getting released a week early, surprise to us, and will be coming here on Thursday. That was a shocker. Her progress has indeed plateaued and while I admit to being very frustrated at the date being moved back, doesn't pay to let it completely overwhelm me. You might not think a week is any big deal, but it is. Definitely.

Our girls are revamping their rooms, and will be all in one.  It will be very cozy!  I'm talking about a 10x10 room. We tried to get them to take our bedroom as it's bigger, but they said no. We even talked about my mom having the dining room, but the kids want to be able to have the ability to hide, and keep my mom sometimes behind a closed door. 

That's honesty for you. 

Saw Mom on Saturday to take her Christmas present. Too busy yesterday to go, so the two youngest and I went a day early. She was in her wheelchair in the corner beside her bed, trying to plug in her cellphone as the cord is back there. She couldn't figure out how to push her wheelchair backwards and was stuck.  Asked us to pull her back, but I said no, and talked her through pushing her feet on the floor so she could reverse. Tasks like that, requiring thinking things through, flummox her. And later as she was opening her gifts, she got upset at having to remove the tape. Asked our youngest to open a box she got from a friend, but again I said no. Said we were in no hurry, and that she had to do it. Could tell she didn't like to be told that, but she's got to manage these simple chores, if you want to call them that. And my goodness, she does everything is such slow motion.

I'm taking today off as a Grace day. Have to call the social worker tomorrow and need to have them show my husband and me how to do physical transfers with her, and how to check her blood sugar and give her insulin. Might let him do this since anything dealing with needles makes me squirm. And the insulin is administered in her belly. Just thinking about that gives me shivers.
She's not an official diabetic, but is on, what they call, a sliding scale. Since this stroke, her blood sugar sky-rockets from time to time, and we've noticed that when she's
being argumentative or delusional, is when her sugar is off.

Here's the thing...the reality is my mom will be here. Our physical relationship will get way more intimate, which is disturbing to me, maybe unreasonably so, but just being honest. Changing adult diapers, having a consistent job of deep-cleaning her clothes and bedsheets is enough. If I can sometimes draw the line at what sends me over edge, maybe I can retain some of my sanity.

I'm a patient person by nature, so please God give me the mental strength to manage. I worry about my tendency to drift into deep depression. I try to envision this from my Mom's standpoint, but since her behavior fluctuates, it's hard to get in her head. The delusional days of hers, caused by this second stroke, make conversations more like talking to a child. But sometimes there's such clarity. You just never know who she'll be from day to day and moment to moment.

As I said, today is a Grace day. I can put reality to the side for now. Self-care. That's most important.


Charm and Grace said...

Self care is so important. You are right. You never know what the future will hold or even how long this process may be with your mom, but you are right that putting yourself in her place gives you good perspective. Also, envisioning that should you ever find yourself in the same position, your own girls are watching how you handle this and will likely handle it the same, should also give you some good incentive to bear up under the weight of it. I know it will not be easy, and the best course of action is to encourage yourself in the Lord as David did and to just continue to put one foot in front of the other. I pray you will find encouragement in your hubby and girls, as well as other family and friends. Love and big virtual hugs!

podso said...

Wow, Thursday. A big change coming. I remember how hard it was to help my parents' with things I never thought I'd have to -- but God gives the grace you need and you just press forward and do it. I'll be praying for you friend.

Gloriade said...

Wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Just know I will be praying for you and for your family as you all go through this transition.

Bonnie said...

Praying for you.