Wednesday, December 28, 2016

{the day before}

Last minute details before my mom comes here tomorrow afternoon.  Girls moving room stuff around.  Me shopping for some things she'll need.  Hospital bed and bedside potty chair being delivered in the morning.  Extra furniture moved from here over to her house to free up some space.  Thankful our house is virtually company-ready since Thanksgiving, since our son and his wife had visited. 

Trying to find space in my head for all of this.  And sharing here so anyone who experiences this same sort of situation can find some solace or information.  Plenty of sites and blogs where folks just share the pretty parts.  Painting this multi-generational living in a beautiful and easy way.  It's not.  I can already tell you that.

I'm scared.  When the details come into my brain, I can feel my blood pressure rise.  Even the simple fact of her needing a doctor's checkup in a few weeks...I asked the nurse who was setting it up to please allow us some time home first.  We have about six steps leading up to our outside doors, and we either put Mom in her wheelchair and back her in, tugging all the way, or she uses her walker.  Both tiring for her.  Strenuous for us.  Simple things are complicated and have to be thought through.

And I have to get over the idea that this is normal, and my fussing is foolish.  It's not the norm, and it's not easy.  What's hard is hard.

Toughest for my 3 girls and son who still live at home:  Having to be aware of her presence.  Seeing her health fail.  Being on guard and quiet when they're not used to it.  For me:  Her childlike behavior.  Not wanting to wear hearing aids, which she could surely benefit from.  Having to talk distinctly, which oddly enough, is exhausting more than anything.  Her strokes have left her at times delusional, so it's almost like a dementia is setting in.  Her moods are unpredictable and she can be very unreasonable.  Plus for me, her incontinence and having to change diapers.  Can I say this makes me nuts?  And at some time, my mom will likely die in our house.  That's huge.  For my husband:  Wanting a normal household, but he's willing to do ANYTHING to make it flow, for all of our sakes.  He's the most amazing of all.

Today is our last, if you want to call it, free day.  Hard to settle my nerves, but trying.

Take care.


Charm and Grace said...

Bless your heart. Words are not much when you are facing a giant. If I had five smooth stones, I'd mail them to you. As it is, I pray that the Lord who used those stones and slew Goliath will give you His wisdom and strength. The Lord, who made heaven and earth and for Whom nothing is too difficult, be with you.

Bonnie said...

It is actually a gift. Will pray for peaceful transition plus giving her dignity of being an image bearer , mom, grandma, ....