Mornings are the hardest. On a good day, I'll get up early enough to have my tea before getting my mom up. Yesterday I got her up first, mainly to see if she'd survived the night. See, I yelled at her on Thursday afternoon. Y e l l e d at her.
She'd had a visit from her best friend that day and in the midst of the conversation had begun to sob, literally, saying she didn't feel safe here. This ridiculous comment caused by my husband telling her on Monday that even though she had a cold, she had to get up and walk, and there would by no lying in bed all day. She took offense. Followed by three days of the silent treatment.
After her friend left (the whole conversation had been clearly overheard) I called her out on it. She denied it and I got a bit worked up. Finally she admitted it and I told her she had a lot of nerve badtalking us. I expressed about 30 years of rage packed up in a 2 minute outpouring.
I sent her to her room.
Talk about if looks could kill.
One of my brothers called me yesterday and he said Mom had called my oldest brother who lives near that night, asking him to bring 2 boxes to hold all her stuff, and to come get her. She thought about it and called him back saying nevermind.
Yesterday morning I went into her room to get her up and she was remorseful and on the brink of tearful, but the word sorry never left her lips. I told her that love and yelling could live side by side. We left it at that. The rest of the day she treated me like the captor who's idolized by the kidnapped victim. All puppy dogs and rainbows.
I roll my eyes.
I find myself having these conversations with the Lord where I just don't get it. I can feel Him, which is always awesome, but still... This is the most draining experience of my life. It's all I can do to muster the courage to deal with her face to face. To see her look at me each morning takes an emotional toll that repeats itself daily.
Not a recommended life experience. And no matter how many folks tell me, and the list is considerable, that my kids are learning valuable life lessons, I say, please hush. Not helping.
Sunny cold day. Altar guild duties and altar flowers will get me and my girls out of the house. Youngest son will hold court. For now, that's enough.
Thanks for listening.