Thursday, February 2, 2017

{on groundhog day}

Some of you might read this and think, man, this woman sure is cranky.  She just can't be nice to her mom no matter.  Yeah, well.  Experience my daily life and then re-evaluate.  It's not a tragedy, but sure is a challenge.  I thought after my kids were pretty well grown up I'd be able to do some stuff that I wanted to do, things I'd not had time for.  Seems that time isn't here yet.

And seriously, the comment I've heard most often, mostly by extended family members, is that I should have a handle on having my mom here considering I've raised/am raising 8 kids.  Get out.  That fact alone should qualify me as someone who needs time off, yes?  Don't forget, I have 4 kids still at home.  Yes, they're extremely helpful.  Couldn't manage having my mom here without them, but there is a cost involved.  It is very hard on my girls.  I try to maintain, as best I can, a level of normalcy here, but it's difficult.  What works best, and this might sound cruel, but to have my mom spend as much time as possible in her room seems to help.  I encourage the kids to be respectful, but I want them to continue to treat the house as our home.  Noise and everything.  I won't have them tippy-toeing around the house.  Be yourself.  Otherwise, it becomes her house. 

Today will be full.  Aide comes to bathe her and her physical therapist should be here this afternoon as well.  I'm going to ask him to show me and the girls how to get her out of bed in a way that's less taxing on our wee backs.  Sometimes my girls will sneak in there in the morning, in order to save me the task, and they'll get her up and vertical alone, but I discourage them doing that.  Mess up a young back and it stays messed up.  That's my motto.

Just have to juggle times with the PT.  He generally comes in the afternoon, and I have to pick up our youngest son at work.  Won't leave the PT here with the two girls and my mom, so might have to ask him to wait for me to return from fetching our son.  Won't be a problem.  Just thinking things out in my head.  This is one of my personal struggles.  Juggling.  So many people to consider and at the end of the day it can be exhausting. 

I've learned so much with all of this.  How to wash clothes that get wet no matter if a person is wearing adult diapers.  Oxyclean and Tide.  I researched this topic at length, and even bringing her clothes here from rehab to wash...well, it was a trial and error situation.  Also, take out her wet diapers after tying them in a plastic bag immediately to the trash.  Don't put them in the inside trashcans for even a minute.  The smells remain in the house.  Take out her personal trash in the bedroom as often as necessary during the day.  She uses baby wipes when she uses the portable toilet, and we've told her to put the wipes into the trashcan next to her.  Not in the potty.  Can't flush them.  It's the small things that keep order.  I won't have a house that smells like a nursing home.  Not a pretty topic, but it's life.  If one person can benefit from me over-sharing, I've done my job during this season of my life. 

Now must get a move-on.  Must resist getting upset today at my oldest brother who's, once again, failed to follow through on something he said he would do.  His offer.  Fail!  He's quite an expert at saying what you want to hear, and not even attempting to do what he says.  How he can live with himself is a wonder to me.  I shake my head. 

Must find the joy, even when it's so elusive.  It's there, just hidden sometimes.


podso said...

You are really in the nitty gritty of raw life. Sounds like you are learning some good tricks that will be helpful to others if they read and face a similar situation. I hope things work out with Mr. PT and good thing you are on it about the girls watching their backs.He will be helpful.

netablogs said...

I'm sorry things are so hard and often consuming for you at this stage. I'm glad you are sharing your perspective through all this. Everyone is different-- their tolerance levels, personalities, pain they carry, how easily they recover from stress, and so much more. No judgments here.