Thursday, February 9, 2017

{think, think, think}

Have had my tea. Burning a coconut candle (Glade assortment of scents...this one is called No. 3 Free). Lying here in bed thinking on the day.

My mom had a hissy fit last night after I asked her to go to the bathroom before dinner. I had gone into her room to say it was time to eat, she looked up at me with a sweet smile and said ok. I followed up with her needing to walk a bit before she came to dinner and to take care of business. She eventually walked into the living room, said she didn't need to go to the toilet. I didn't wrestle with her. She said she needed to rest. She sat a minute, then got up and did as I asked. Took forever. When she came back in the living room, she was angry. See, she had sat in her chair for 4 straight hours previous to me telling her dinner was ready. I had timed her, seeing what she would do in the afternoon if I didn't make suggestions to her. She wears adult diapers and is lazy about getting up. That's what she does.

This is so tiring. Like dealing with a spoiled child. And I have no enthusiasm for waking her up this morning.

Know what's hard? What this does to my girls. Middle daughter graduates this spring and my mom is determined to be the center of attention. I don't want our daughter to feel slighted, and try so hard to make sure that doesn't happen.

I want to honor my mother, and all I can say to that is I do take care of her basic needs. I'm not emotionally equipped to be her confidant or cuddly pal. She drains me to the point I'm walking around with a subtle headache all the time. This is not healthy.

How one 88 year old woman who's survived 2 major strokes and at least 3 TIAs can still hold sway and control a household amazes even me. It's like stuffing a filled balloon into a small box. She keeps spilling out.

For anyone considering opening their home to an elderly parent, weigh the costs. Our main issue is that there is no distinct line. We share the same house. Home isn't the refuge it used to be. A MILs wing or a separate cottage idea is ideal. No. Ideal is a nursing home. At least in my world.
Might have to rethink this whole situation. We've had her interests at heart and at the forefront and it appears we've been mistaken. In her passive-aggressive way she's winning. The rest of us walk around, looking like zombies.

Please pray for direction. I'm sorta done.


Cathy said...

I am praying you will have peace and wisdom for all decisions. The decisons do not get any easier, do they? I remember "fighting" with my mother to go to the bathroom...this was when Daddy could still keep her at the house...She would get so mad with me and go shut herself in the bathroom...doing nothing...and come out still mad. I realized it was her sick brain acting, and it was because the one small part of her that did know she had lost it and she was holding on as tight as she could...I represented to her the blaring reminder that she had lost "it", so I became her enemy.
But at that time I could leave and go home to my house, and Daddy was left with the daily battles.

Making your mother happy is not the goal now; the goal is to do what is best for all...her, you and your family. Keep that in mind as you pray and make decisions.

Bonnie said...