Saturday, February 25, 2017

{uncomfortable topics}

My mom has in the recent months expressed interest in donating her body to science, partly because several of her friends at her church have done it. I'm thinking that in many cases, maybe all, it's a cost factor. My husband and I researched it, and he printed out forms for a place here in town. He and I are in agreement that this would be ideal for my mom, and my brothers feel the same way. Your body is used in research, and about a year later, the ashes are given back to the family. No charge. I find that amazing.

She read the papers he'd printed out yesterday and I asked her what she thought. Have to admit she made me laugh, not intentionally, when she said that it was all so final. Well yeah. Death sort of does that. 'Course I can distance myself since it's not me we're talking about. She followed up by saying she didn't want to do anything contrary to what my brothers and I wanted for her. I said we're okay with the donation idea. I'm getting the impression she wants us to show some degree of squirminess with the idea. Give her the opportunity to go all traditional with embalming and burial.

Sad thing is, there's not enough money put back for that. She has a small death insurance policy, but its value wouldn't go far enough. Dying is expensive.  And heck, we still haven't gotten final billing for her most recent hospital stays before she came to live with us.  

She'll most likely pass away here in our house. To know who to call whenever that happens would be a blessing. No scrambling at the last minute, but something final.

It's called planning.

She asked if I was going to do the donation thing. I had to evade the question. Youngest daughter is crazy against cremation. Crazy. Not sure how to handle that snafu, but while cremation bothers this daughter, embalming gives me the creeps.  I realize if I'd told my mom yes, she might sign the papers. Thing is, even if she doesn't sign and doesn't have a valid Will, what actually happens is up for grabs with her survivors.  Harsh?  Yeah, maybe.

I like security in situations. No surprises. Periods. Plans. Facing things, because I've learned that reality is better that fantasy, and no amount of pretending will make stuff go away.

Take care.


Gloriade said...

End of life decisions can be filled with complicated emotions. It's good that you are able to talk about it. Blessings Melissa. Hope you are taking good care of yourself as well as others.

Diane said...

Since I've no kids to deal with things, I suppose at some time fairly soon I'll investigate and prearrange things for myself. A young friend is executor of my will; I'd like to make things as easy as possible on her.

Charm and Grace said...

It is quite overwhelming to even think about all those things. I will have to face that with my father at some point. He is a hoarder, and I have no evidence that he has any sort of a will. I also have a brother. We are both dreading the day. But all we can do is deal with it as best we can as it comes. Praying that you can figure it out and get a peace about whatever.