Monday, July 3, 2017

{monday night}

An Alzheimer's adult daycare here uses a phrase on their website that really speaks to me:  "Know your breaking point."  They're speaking of caregivers. My mom has some vascular dementia, not Alzheimer's, but the sentiment remains.

My breaking point came today as she caught my attention as I walked by her door and she shook her water glass at me. "It's empty. I need more."

Seriously? And no, I didn't bite the bait. Told her she could wait till dinner, or figure out how to get the cup lid off herself. 

That was it. I told her tonight after dinner that from now on she fetches her own water. She can get herself into the kitchen to the fridge for her Ensures as well. It's our own fault, waiting on her throughout the day. She acts so helpless.  Pardon me. Like a princess.
Now she learns to actually do something. Kidding myself. She'll go without water or Ensures. Show me.

She can walk/shuffle hunched over her walker. She's not in pain, just manipulative. What is with narcissists that they can train folks to treat them as more important or needy than the rest of us? We're all guilty of falling for it.

We used to have a yellow Lab who was so stubborn, he'd let you pull a lead to the choking point rather than give in. I think he's been reincarnated.

She told her sister on the phone today that she (herself) works so hard, exercising, drinking water, etc. She says to her sister she just doesn't realize how hard she works. Baloney. I mentioned it to her and she denied saying any of it. She lies so easily. She asked if I'd believe someone over her, my own mother. I told her sure, of course I would. Our youngest one witnessed the conversation, and why would our daughter lie? That shut my mom up. But secretly she believes herself over anybody. Amazing.

My brothers are putting up money for her to spend a month at a respite nursing home. Not sure where or when. I'll likely have to do the research, which is irritating, but it's a step in the right direction. They won't make arrangements or adjustments to take her in their homes. Doesn't even occur to them.
Will see how this flies. Not easy even after you have the monetary offer. Her doctor has to get involved, have to be accepted somewhere, find an opening, tour the facility. Hard to get overly excited because it's such a process. Now if my brothers each would take her 2 weeks, it'd be a heckava lot smoother ride. But no.

Will keep you posted.


Charm and Grace said...

Bless you. No words of wisdom here. Just hopes for a solution and soon!

Gloriade said...

Definitely a step in the right direction. Hopefully you will be able to find a place that you can use on an ongoing basis. Her social worker should be able to help with some of this. I will pray that it will all come together smoothly.

Bonnie said...

Hard. Praying.

Charm and Grace said...

Hope your absence here doesn't mean things are worse. Thinking of you...

netablogs said...

Respite would be a great idea. Everyone needs a break on a regular basis. I hope you find a satisfactory arrangement sooner rather than later, that works for everyone.