Saturday, August 26, 2017

{on saturday}

My mom won't be coming back here after her hospital stay is up. Medicare/Medicaid (and possible VA money for later) will cover 3 months with time during that spell to sell her house.  Frankly, after lying in bed there, now going on 3 days, she's weaker. My husband says he wonders if she'll walk much again. 

The timing is Providential. Least to our thinking.  In the space of time since my out of town brother visited, maybe a month ago, our difficulties in caring for my mom here ramped up. Not quite sure why. And her home health care (aide and nurse coming here) was about to end as well. But most of all, we'd hit a place where we were so frustrated at the situation. Envisioning possible years of caring for her here without a definite break, (though my brothers had been investigating possibilities). Her life eclipsing my children's. Four children still at home, but my mom's needs overshadowing them. Ain't right.

Praise God. What else can I say?

Went to see her at the hospital yesterday. She was eating dinner, acted like she was starving. So focused on her meal, my visit was incidental. Was glad I'd brought her phone, her lifeline, like for so many of us.

Not sure what medications she's on now, but she was a bit odd. Her eyes weren't moving in sync with her head movement when I asked her to look at something outside the window. Reminded me of pre-election videos of Hillary Clinton, showing signs of her own brain injury.

She's happy now. Eats very well, no duties to perform, getting help with all physical movement, television to watch, and to her mind, a huge improvement to being here. Amen.

This coming week she'll go to a nursing home. My husband told the kids yesterday, she won't return here, no matter. It's not been a healthy situation for awhile. He had to repeat himself. They couldn't believe it.

I know I sound harsh talking about this to anyone who has a wonderful relationship with their mom. It's not the same for everyone. I feel guilty being so honest, but it's my reality.

Oldest daughter wisely said its been like living on pause. Like waking up from a bad dream. One that lasted about 8 months.

Cooler today. Clouds from the edge of hurricane Harvey? Not sure if our today clouds are from that or not, but a sweet quiet day. Much mental recovery needed here. Oldest brother and social worker doing all legwork regarding Mom's plans. Time to rest.

2 comments:

Diane said...

Does it sound harsh to say I'm happy for you? It sounds as if this is the best for everyone involved. She is happy, and all of you get to restart your lives.

I couldn't even do eight days, much less eight months, with my mother. We would kill one another within eight hours, I think. As you say, not everyone has an ideal relationship with their moms.

M.K. said...

It's important what you said -- that her situation was in danger of eclipsing your children's lives. That would be very bad, and could do permanent damage to them in so many areas, not least of which their relationships with you and their dad. It's hard to see it when you're in the thick of it, but so many things like this can intrude on a family's life, and then a few years later, we realize, 'Ah! How did we let that happen!?' because our kids felt so neglected, even while they were trying to cope and be helpful (heavy sigh here).
I'm very glad for you that your home life can return to normal. My grandmother was much the same way, but she did have dementia, and she was quite strong and became a bit violent. But my parents' marriage was being sacrificed so she could live with them. It had to end. Peace, friend.