Sunday, August 27, 2017

{sunday morning}

Wasn't quite prepared for the rush of emotions since my mom went to the hospital. Being set to 'on' for so many months. Lying here in bed with my tea, most everyone else having already left for church. So dog-tired.

Baby shower this afternoon, given by our son's mother in law for one of our upcoming grandbabies.  Her first grandchild as well. Wish someone else was giving it. She's overdoing, and making herself crazy. Too much energy whipping around. I've never had the ability to do and keep doing like other folks. Actually, would rather avoid this shower, if we were being honest. Being in a room filled with strangers today sounds exhausting. We weren't asked who we wanted to invite, so assume this shower is our daughter in law's choice of folks. New faces. Introverts nightmare.

I'm so deeply tired. Just getting up this morning, realizing we didn't have to deal with my mom before church. Walking past her bedroom, soon to be transformed into the least one's room, and not seeing Mom sit there. Not going to the hospital everyday. I might sound dramatic. Just overwhelmed by incredible relief.

Just want to lie here. All day. Let the world take care of itself. But can't. Must be social. Wear a smile.

My husband doesn't always get his deep thoughts out, being physical instead. He said, referring to all my mom's stuff and the shower, he's tired of us having to deal with the hard stuff. See, our gay son's boyfriend will be at the shower. My husband and our daughters haven't met him. Sweet guy, the boyfriend, but still, hard to accept this reality.

We want to coast a bit. Let our heads have a rest from having to dig up resources that are a bit overtapped.

A staycation. That's what I'm thinking. Everybody just go away.


Diane said...

So refreshing to see someone else be honest about showers, lol. I'm happy for people, but celebrations with new people always stress me. That would be bad enough, but adding the boyfriend and that tension to the mix - I don't blame you for wanting to stay home.

In theory, I have a "staycation" Labor Day week. Already have four commitments - all fun, all at my behest. But then a young friend - who doesn't work outside the home - said she wanted to see me, but weekends don't "work" for her, and do I have any time off coming up? Geez. I told her flat out I'm guarding that time jealously, and gave her two very limited windows of availability. We'll see if I can stick to it.

M.K. said...

I do think you need a long, deep rest. Hopefully the shower did not take too long, and you could return home. You need to putter at home, I'm thinking. Just your own peeps. Do the things you love that bring peace. You have been drained for too long. It takes time to soothe all the feathers and heal all the hurt.
Speaking of which, I need to go put up my chickens :)