Saturday, September 30, 2017

{bit by bit}

Seems my life these past 4-5 years has been all about drama and frustration. Well, so be it. Very true.
Newest thing is my oldest brother selling our mom's house. Showed it to a guy last week, he made an offer, my brother countered, and it closes this-coming week. Thinking he's an investor. My family home will probably end up as rental property. Sad, but reality. But a blessing to get shot of it.
Mixed emotions. Teary. Lots messing with my head. Wanting and needing to sell her house for months, but dependent on my brothers' cooperation. Now it's all about hurry, hurry, but it's so exhausting. All to pay for Mom's nursing home stay. I have to admit, years back I fancied an inheritance of some sort, but no. I realize that might sound greedy or selfish. Money has always been tight in our home here. One income, 8 kids, not surprising. Any financial windfall is a treat. But thankful the house will allow her to get permanently settled until her Medicaid or VA are maybe approved. I say maybe. The wheels turn slowly.

Doors closing. It'll be a relief not to have her house to tend to...taxes, physical maintenance and stuff to clear out.

My, I'm melancholy. I think partly it's facing up to our family home being gone and Mom being somewhere for good, till the Lord calls her home. Parents are the buffer. When they're gone, it's our turn. I don't want to get that kind of old.

Relish the day.

Look forward to seeing the backside of this situation. I won't be driving past that house when it's over. Too hard. Be done.

Today...picking up middle daughter at work, buying church flowers, setting up altar, frozen pizza for dinner. Wise move. Then going to Mom's to load bags of unwanted things into my woodboy's pick-up. In a house clean out, it gets to the point where you have to place strict limits on the saving. As it is, my truck can't hold any groceries in the back of it for the stuff from her house. Must cull more. Our little house is about to pop!

When this all said and done and my mom is moved...should be in a week or two, I'm taking a few days off to regain my composure. I think a long cry is needed. Maybe sometimes we all need that.


M.K. said...

I'm often surprised when I need a long, hard cry. Sometimes the event is a relief to have over - like the sale of this house and your mom's move -- but still there are tears. Sometimes for the things that should have been, that weren't. I often cry for things lost, things unrealized, like that. May you cry and feel release. Your home, for your children, will be more of a balm than the one you had.

Cathy said...

Crying can many times be the only sensible thing to do. And it meets a need that nothing else can provide to the soul.
I agree you need a successful cry!