Wednesday, September 27, 2017

{mid-week}

Well, my oldest brother has found a place for our mom to stay permanently. Should be an opening in about 2 weeks, which made me curious as to the circumstances. Is someone dying? He had a list of about 4 places, visited his first choice yesterday, and said he was done looking. Told me that researching this stuff for Mom was consuming his life. Can't get anything done. Blood pressure ridiculously high.  Good thing we were on the phone, or he would've seen me roll my eyes. Been there, done that, baby.

I decided not to remind him of who researched rehabs 4 years ago and who got the paperwork ready and who physically admitted her all 3 times she's had to go. Won't remind him of who went to the ER everytime she had to go. We won't go there. I'm very grateful for his help, no question.
I think our family sort of goes in for drama.

Thinking I'll be a nice daughter/ sister and help Mom get settled in her new place when the time comes, then step aside. Haven't seen her in 2 weeks, but she did call Monday. Lovely having some distance, and her new digs will be an hour's drive or a bit less. Gets better all the time. Very close to my brother who's running the show, bless his heart.

And learning to say no. In the recent past, ask me something and I'd always say yes, regretting almost immediately being impulsive. Not wanting to disappoint folks, yet not concerned with creating a burden for myself. Twisted thinking. Let me tell you, people will adjust. Much better this way.

Pulling up my personal drawbridge. Learning to let go of inconsequential things, creating safe places for myself, feeling calmer, distancing myself from toxic people and learning self-respect. After a lifetime of being taught I was inferior to my brothers...well, it's a process. A mental health process.

Today is good.

1 comment:

Cathy said...

It is sad, yet true, how feelings of inferiority design and define our lives. I am studying the life of Joseph; now that is a family riddled with serious family relationships! You are in good company, and Jesus redeems it all!