Saturday, September 2, 2017


Got a note today in the mail from the nursing home about a meeting a week from this-coming Wednesday to talk about my mom's future care. In other words, where is the family taking her? Yeah, about that...the mean part of me says that it's interesting, even in her diminished state, my mom remains the center of attention. The nice part of me...oh nevermind. Right now there is no nice part.

Social worker called me 3 times yesterday. First to tell me we were on day 5 of Mom's 20 days. I know that. What have we done so far to reapply for Medicaid? And the VA benefits, what do I know about that? Please call my brother, I say.

Second call to tell me Mom was evaluated by PT and they said she needs more therapy than 20 days. Duh. Recommend skilled nursing over assisted living.  Been there, done that. I'm aware. But in a new twist, she's having trouble swallowing.

Third call to say she refused baths twice. I called Mom on her cellphone and told her to cut it out, but I controlled myself and informed her in a kind, firm way.

My nerves are shot. This time last weekend was so glad to have her out of the house, heading for, what I was thinking was 3 months of therapy. Time to sell her house so there would be money to pay for stuff. Her stuff.

You know how it is when you're past depleted?  So mentally exhausted you can't sleep without bad dreams? I'm there.

I just want to walk away. She's not coming back here, but the details of where she's going in 2 weeks, and how it gets paid is beyond me. In psychological circles a term is used, especially talking about narcissists, called No Contact. I'm entertaining the idea. In all honesty, and this will sound hateful, I really have no interest in seeing my mother or brothers ever again. If I've already seen them for the last time, I'm okay with that.

Please Lord, let us have a quiet rest of the weekend. Cause my brothers to indeed take up the slack. Amen.

UPDATE:  Saturday evening. Oldest brother is meeting with the social worker on Tuesday, offering to pay the balance for Mom to stay out the month there, or it'll cover her going elsewhere till month's end. It's a start. 

Exhale. Seriously.

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