Thursday, September 7, 2017

{thursday}

Okay, venting here.

I get daily, and I mean DAILY calls from the nursing home. Cut it out already. Thankfully all these non-important calls haven't occurred on the same day. But still...I realize they have to be accountable to, what they call, a responsible party, but this never happened at the place of her previous rehab stays.

Everytime I see the nursing home's name pop up on my phone my stomach drops. And the first thing they always say is that it's a non-emergency call. Makes me crazy. Likened to late night calls some parents have gotten about their children. Glad I've been spared that.

Planning on seeing Mom this afternoon after fetching youngest son. Had planned on going alone, but the least one won't let me. I give her a look. Nope, won't let me. Besides she says I get lost in the rabbit's warren of hallways there. She's got a point.

Guilt and shame. My stomach knots up at the thought of seeing my mom. Been a week. Lovely, but the upside wrestles with the guilt and shame. The staff says how sweet she is. Eye-roll. Daughter will stand to the side, covering her mouth, trying not to laugh. I can see it all now even before it happens. Everything with my mom seems scripted ahead of time. No surprises, but the same old song and dance.

But so thankful she's not here in person, messing with my girls' heads. Mine is permanently scarred, but not theirs. It would've taken awhile for my mom to hurt them that way, but that's where we were headed. No thanks.

A small price to pay--unwanted phonecalls and a knotted stomach for my girls' self-esteem. Definitely worth it.

2 comments:

Kimberly~Nutbrown Cottage said...

Praying for you, my friend!

Cathy said...

I have returned to yet another attempt at blogging and post reading. I have quite a bit to catch-up on what is happening with you and your family. But I must also tell you you have been in my thoughts... and even prayers.

Redemption. That is the word. He comes to redeem.

Job 19:25