Saturday, January 20, 2018


Trying to take life down a notch or two. Read a really timely article just now about empathy and compassion. Learning where to draw the line when I take on another's pain. A big issue for me.

My mom's house sale money about gone. Three month's worth left, I think. Had a nightmare Thursday night that Medicaid refused to reinstate her and my brothers expected us to take her back. Woke up suddenly at 4:30am. Oh crap! Fell back to sleep after 7. Nightmare settled into a daymare.

All is well.

Do today.

Oldest daughter told me yesterday I need to rest. Just rest. Stop taking on things. Made me cry, in a good way. She says I need to find the old me again. The mom/wife/woman I was 5 years back before life, my life, began to smart so. Five years. Lots has happened, but we won't go into that. Then is then. Now is now.

Gentle domestic doings. Mixed up a fresh batch of sourdough starter. The cheatin' kind. Potato flakes, sugar, warm water and yeast. Made the first batch of bread 2 nights ago. Makes 3 loaves. Baked one too early, we were anxious, and while the center was too soft, my it was good. The other 2 loaves came out beautifully. It rises about 12 hours, so a 3 hour difference in rising, as we experienced the other night, makes quite a difference.

Going out shortly to buy altar flowers and to set up Communion. Dinner of chicken pot pie. No hurries.

Teetering pile of boxes in our hallway, waiting to be toted up the pulldown stairs. Not inspired, but will be happy when it's done.

The snow is about all melted. Southerners here (except for Yankee husband who has taken on a Southern mindset), we enjoyed it for a few days, then frankly, grew weary of having to drip faucets all night, every night, for a week. Put on boots to go out, slip and slide on the walkways. In the fifties now, cloudy, but back to our seasonal normal. Chickens deliriously happy today. Loud! They don't do snow and ice!

Rest. Slow down. Enjoy my day. Takes a concerted effort, but well worth it.


podso said...

Hope you were able to go slow and enjoy it. Just a little stubborn snow remains here.

Gloriade said...

You will never go back to who you were five years ago because you have grown beyond that. But God will take you to new places filled with good things because he loves you. Glad you were able to have some pampering time.

Sara Lorayne said...

Freshly baked bread with real butter melting on it - one of the wonderful pleasures of life! I'm glad the chickens are happy now that the snow is gone. Peace to you, my friend.

M.K. said...

Your weather has been our weather too. We are relieved for warmth. 69 today and rainy.
It is kind of your daughter to miss the "old you." But you cannot pine for what you and your life used to be. You have to be the Best You, right now, that you can be. Don't look back in regret. And what does Scripture say? "Sufficient to the day is the trouble thereof" -- or something like that? Do not borrow trouble from tomorrow that may not happen. Hopefully, your mother's situation will work out. It was a nightmare for you, that she lived with you, and it has left residual damage. Both my grandmothers were very difficult women. They lived with various of their children, but it was never a good situation. As I understand it, when her own money runs out, Medicare must pay for her end-of-life stay in a facility. The gov't cannot force her family to keep her permanently at their homes, especially if it is emotionally unsafe for them to do so. You seem very fragile, dear, more fragile emotionally than she is physically. You have done your part (and continue to). But it is time for a care facility to tend to her, if your brothers will not take her to their homes.