All is well here. Cleaning my mental house and dealing with some past frustrations. Guess now's as good a time as any to practice forgiveness. I've lived the past few years so overwhelmed in so many ways, mostly related to my Mom's care and I've not handled things very well. Not very generous in my actions towards others. Very quick to get angry and feel slighted. Feeling taken advantage of and rather than take on a heart that demonstrates God's love, I've tried to justify my behavior. Doesn't work so good.
So in needing/asking for a listening ear from my brothers, I've aggravated the situation, not seeing that they've dealt with their own anxiety about our mom. Her physical limitations have been painful for everyone. I've tended to see it as my pain and not theirs. Again, not very generous of me.
No more victim, take responsibility and allow the Lord to fix things. My extended family needs serious healing, some things caused by me, but I don't take complete responsibility. We're all at fault, some by omission, some by other tactics.
In other news, have renewed my visits with my mom. We're getting on well. Had to ask her forgiveness for something and, as I expected, she was fine. Ours is a conflicted relationship, both with extreme angst and the same with affection. With her, blood is indeed thicker than water, so she forgives easily, but on the backside of that, will drive me nuts afterward. So it goes with daughters and mothers, I guess.
Having elderly parents with physical and mental limitations makes life hard. Bless them when the Lord takes them home before the body fails uncontrollably. But even now the Lord is using her. Healing me. Hopefully healing my relationships with my brothers. It's time.