Wednesday, March 28, 2018

{mid-week}

My head is busy, and the calendar is full.  Anglicans sort of load themselves with church things all during Lent, and especially during Holy Week.  Thankfully today is empty of church responsibilities.  Tomorrow we'll celebrate Maundy Thursday with a very somber service and a prayer vigil beginning at sundown, my favorite service in the entire church year.  Later on today, when I pick up middle daughter at work, will shop for presents for youngest son's 22nd birthday which is on Friday.  And then tomorrow will buy delicious food for his birthday dinner and Easter.

Thinking I won't offer invitations for dinner on Sunday.  Our boys away from home do their own thing, and thinking Miss Hazel will go to her other grandmother's house.  Wife's parents trump husband's parents on holidays, most times, and I'm okay with that.  Less stress.

And I saw my mom last weekend, so that's done.  Nice visit.  Took her flowers and visited quite awhile.  She said she was glad I came because she wanted to see me 'one more time.'  I asked if she was planning on going anywhere, and she laughed.  Asked her if she'd been feeling bad.  No, just always in 'going to Heaven' mode.  Wasn't expecting anything to be going on at the nursing home, but I ended up going when they were having a guitar concert and afterward they were having an Easter egg hunt, but I left before they hunted eggs.  I can socialize only so much. 

One more thing checked off my list.

You know, if you're like me and have felt like you've lived in a mental bubble for YEARS, it's hard to get back into the swing of things.  Mundane life, that is.  I do crave the ordinary.  I told my husband last night I wanted to have some sort of control over Hazel's coming over.  I realize we're needed, but I would enjoy a bit of selfishness over my personal time.  She spent the day yesterday, and while I absolutely adore that child, and while we're becoming attached, I'm two ways about taking care of her.  I want to be available, but it saps my strength so, it's hard to balance out.  Hope this makes sense and doesn't sound like I'm a total ass.

I think what I'm saying is that I like a routine.  Let me know when and I'm all over it, but leave me hanging till the last minute, and I'm at a loss.  And when our son is deployed, we'll be more necessary than ever.  I can see my daily routines blowing up before my eyes.  Need to have a say.

Okay then.

For those of you struggling with an empty nest, I won't have that issue.  I kind of envy your echoing houses. For some reason, and I shared this with my husband yesterday as well, the Lord has seen fit to have our home be a place for children.  Eight kids, four gone and four remaining (for now).  Grandkids coming over now...well, only Hazel, but still.  Lots of life.  Heartbeats all around.  Disarray and stuff everywhere, but that seems to be the way.  I read one time that God is very interested in masses of people.  He delights in abundances of beings. 

And while we've had our ups and downs, and some pretty serious dramas, we prevail. 

I do want to be the grandmother who bakes cookies and is always a warm lap. The one who lets you get away with things.  The grandmother who's in cahoots with her grandchildren.  The sleepovers, the hiding places, the fun stuff to get out and play with...you know.  A comfortable place.  I think I can be that person and still define some structure.  Limits and boundaries are my safety nets, and surely that's okay.

Leftover chili for dinner.  Might make an iron skillet of cornbread.  Easy is nice.

Enjoy your evening.