Thursday, May 17, 2018

{thinking things through}

Okay, so I have this hard stuff that clings to me. Oldest son came by yesterday to give me some Mother's Day flowers. Hanging baskets. Always a treat. Every year, they ask what I want for Mother's Day, and I always say flowers, but they never believe me! Good visit, especially when we got the elephant out of the room.

Told him his grandfather had mentioned reading about his engagement on FBook. Our son apologized for us learning that way. His girlfriend had tagged our son, and he's 'friends' with several family members, including my mother-in-law, though never gets online with it. Word got around.

So, pretend your son is marrying his girlfriend who's in the adult entertainment business. Won't go into detail, but it's not pretty. I could do with some encouragement and advice. WWYouD? Where would you draw the line? There appears to be no online help available for this particular situation and I'm struggling.

This might be sort of a moot point. Being that our opinions regarding their lifestyle are known, we might not be asked to take part. Please God. No clue as it's early yet. I mean, our gay son is engaged and has been for over a year. No plans in that sphere. Not at present an issue. This might be likewise.

But still. Life and behavior at this stage of human existence is all about acceptance. Live and let live, even in blatant wrongdoing.

Please tell me your thoughts. Email me if commenting is too public. My address is on my 'about me' page. As a mom I get confused as how to address things with my kids, though my husband holds no such qualms. I want to be supportive, but when the situation is contrary to my beliefs, that's worrying.

Am learning, albeit slowly, that all this stuff is mentally and physically damaging. I'm 59. Don't need to allow aggravating stuff to hold sway. What I can do something about, like grocery shopping or decorating the house, caulking windows, painting trim, listening to my girls unload...I'm all in. For the other things...pray and release. That's the only way.

First impulse regarding our son is to just say no. Might not have to. Might not be asked for anything.  But I want to be prepared with a response, no matter.

For the rest of the day will take middle daughter to work and then babysit Miss Hazel this afternoon. Love that little girl so much. She's so easy. Very cuddly and always wants to be held, which we have no problems with, let me tell you.

Guess it balances in some bizarre way. The blessings outweigh the trials, but sometimes, just barely.

I have to focus on the good, otherwise the monsters win. Won't have none of that.


M.K. said...

I don't have your same situation, but we have struggled (and are still) through some things with our kids that are similar -- I've had to really wrangle with exactly how I'm supposed to respond, as a Christian.

First, my brother. He's dangerous. He's been dangerous and damaging to his own kids, and we decided years ago to have no contact with him whatsoever. It's not just that he was excommunicated years ago; that's a different issue. But, we didn't want him to have contact with our kids b/c he is dangerous and leaves a trail of destroyed lives in his wake. So: my family's safety comes first when assessing contact/interaction with other family members.

Second, our own kids. They've also made choices we do not approve of. We are ready to talk with them about it. We let them know our opinions, our displeasure, our discomfort, our sorrow, and we try hard to do it WITHOUT judging or the slightest anger. I do not consider their sinful choices or behaviors to be reason to ban them from being in our home, nor from spending time in their lives. So, if I were you, I would go to the wedding. Is your son's girlfriend redeemable by the Lord? Of course. If that happened, wouldn't you want to have been part of her loving redemption, instead of her judgment? Of course. They know you don't approve, right? At that point, you're free to love them both. If you find yourself angry at your son's choice, that's a different issue; you have to forgive him from the heart.

Adam reminds us often that being an accuser is the role of Satan. Being a loving rescuer is the role of Jesus. We want to be like Jesus.

We do draw the line, when they are not married, at not letting them sleep together under our roof. As a matter of fact, I'd say that we still maintain control of what's under our roof. We want kindness, calm, generosity, joy. If someone wants to bring a poisonous attitude under the roof, we don't just suffer; we inquire and try to alleviate the source of it.

We don't have a gay child, and that's trickier, I think, because the romance cannot be redeemed with marriage. I would struggle to have the partner in our home at all, and it would be a lie to say he/she was there "just as a friend." So I don't know if I can help you there. But again, clear communication of your stance, without anger or judgment, is key. I think with this generation, it really works. They respect your words and appreciate that you're honest, and willing to talk about it.

Carol OurSearsKitHome said...

We have had some of these things in our lives. Keep loving them (they know your beliefs), keep believing in them and keep communications open. Be a part of their lives and love those that are important to them. We may be the only Jesus some of these ever see. We can't rescue anyone....only He can. Our job is to trust and release, His is to work His will. Be blessed, keep your eyes fixed on Him. He is faithful, unchanging, always present. He is more interested in our spiritual growth than in fixing our problems. All is grace, and you can do this as you continue to release, and rest in Him.