Monday, January 21, 2019

{a fresh monday}

Cold out, but beautifully sunny. Chickens fussy. Hands cold. Old house snug, except for the drafts here and there. Rolled up worn bedsheets tucked at door bottoms. 

Continual issues with sons. Son who is gay has moved out of former boyfriend's house permanently and is now living with Hazel and her mom. (Hazel's dad finishes out his guard service in the States, but is home only on weekends now.)  And for those who defend the gay lifestyle and have no personal experience in it, let me say that many times it's twisted. Hang on. If I'm honest, gay sex is twisted all on its own...who am I kidding? The preoccupation with desiring a relationship, trying to fill that God-shaped void with the wrong things, makes for a desperate motivation. Let's just say that depravity holds a wild attraction for some.

The Lord says to me...'Let it all roll over you.'

Philippians 4:8...whatever is lovely, right, pure...think on these things.

So easy to feel my mind swirl with the messes our children get up to. I stand back, or listen to what they share, without filters, and pray for God's protection in this spiritual battle.

My girls and youngest son lean on the Lord, as does married son who lives away in northern California with his wife and sweet Adelaide. The need for safety and stability in our house is strong.  The girls get upset when I don't share all the sordid bits, feeling slighted, but I say I'm trying to protect them. That doesn't always go over well, but it's true.

'...if anything is excellent or praiseworthy...'

I sometimes marvel at the Lord's timing. I began visiting our little Anglican church just before all literal hell let loose in our home, right before some of our children became enamored with evil. It's been my refuge, a constant. And even on Saturday, as I arranged the altar flowers, I could smell the slightest whiff of incense, and was calmed. If I stop and allow the quiet to wash over me, I find that rest. Elusive, but there.

Today will do schoolwork with the least one, take one child to work, return a sweater, make dinner, decorate some for Valentine's, strain my tinctures, maybe work on my dollhouse...mind, it won't all get done, but this is a rough list.

Providing serenity here. That's my job description for today.

The apostle Paul said, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable --- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy --- think about such things and the God of peace will be with you."