Friday, January 17, 2020

{stepping back}

Thinking this might be a restoring sort of weekend. I crave comforting food, no conflict, and rest. Exhausted with hard truths. Thinking the art gallery tomorrow would be perfect. 

And am grateful to have made contact, last night, with our son who left suddenly on Saturday night. This made our second email conversation since he vanished, and he's with friends, but don't know more than that. He seems to have a network of acquaintances, all in the gay community, who pull together. With his fragile mental state being relationship-oriented, I guess he needed to be with those who are like-minded. He's safe, and at this very moment, that's enough. I can't fix him, but can pray, because this whole situation is really just too much to take in. 

I was praying this morning, at loose ends, grieving over the choices some of our children have made, not just this son. Literally wringing my hands. That still, small voice quietly said, 'Carry on.' Tears and release. This to a direct prayer about our son's special dog he left, who he's had 4 or so years. Oldest daughter has a friend who's going to meet the dog on Sunday, perhaps leading up to him adopting her. The clicker is that the dog has to get along with his parrot. I know. Strange. We know she chases sparrows, and a few days ago got in the chicken yard. My chickens were not impressed. A parrot? Not so sure. 

After emailing our son, I felt guilty at parting out 2 of his dogs, but, last week, when he was here, he spoke of doing the same thing. Following through, for me, is hard. I don't want to be impulsive, but at the same time, 3 extra dogs added to our 3 was overmuch, yes? 

I beat myself up, trying to make everybody happy. Good luck with that right? And as a dear friend reminded me, 'Ignorance is bliss.' I'd have to agree, because there are some things I'm much better off not knowing.  

Here's to an ignorant weekend.