This morning oldest daughter surprised me with stating (not asking), that she'd take her youngest brother to work. I didn't have to get out. Seriously it brought tears to my eyes. Kindness. Unexpected. Thinking I would have to throw on my clothes and get out. Not a big deal, driving him, but I've been so deeply tired.
And our home has felt oppressed lately. Can't quite put my finger on it, but I told my husband it's like the world has a dark film over it. The chinks of light are struggling to get through.
Or maybe I have an over-imaginative mind. Perhaps.
And here I sit and have to consciously make myself breathe deeply and relax. So tense. Shoulders tight.
Life. Eight kids with all the varied parts of their adult, or almost-adult lives. As the saying goes...'not my circus.'
Today I will make herbal tinctures. The moon waxes, so is perfect. Bought blackberry brandy and spiced rum to use. None of this plain vodka for me! So soothing to measure the dried herbs and pour and label. Concentration on one task restores me. So often I'm listening to one child, fretting about another, worrying over stuff I can't fix, and the joy seeps away from me. It's too hard.
Sat Miss Hazel yesterday, all good, but exhausting. She's like a little monkey, always wanting to be held, which is wonderful, but wears all of us out! She'll also be here Wednesday and Thursday, so glad today is free. Get my energy restored. Adore that child. Absolutely adore her. Screws up her little face, showing those 2 little bottom teeth. My goodness. That's bliss.
But will selfishly do today my way. And, you know, it's allowed.