Wednesday, December 18, 2019


All muzzy-headed and coughing here. The sickness running through my family and church finally made its mark on me. Still stuffing myself full of herbs, realizing that while I can aid my physical self, my emotional self is the one which, when allowed to imagine the unimaginable, opens the door to illness. I can be stoic only as long as my children are fine. 

Being as our kids are 'all over the place,' as I've shared, I find huge comfort in order and ordinariness. Today is cookie baking day. If I have energy. If the planets align like I need them to. If any untenable requests are few. If I feel like it. Mostly the last thing. 

The plan for today was to have the least one's boyfriend over to put up the tree, and make chili. Daughter's been endlessly sick. Got well, then this virus whipped around and smacked her down again. She reminded me last night of the plan for chili and I had to cancel. Sounded too hard. Too much energy required to have anyone in the house than my tribe. I felt like a monster telling her it was overmuch, but she was cool. Honestly, maybe a tiny bit of herself was okay with it. We sorta look whupped up on. 

Today will take packages to the post office. Supposedly it's still not too late to have them delivered before Christmas. I'll go with that. Not like I can control it. 

I'll mix batter. I'll sit. I'll drink tea (bought some Stash Meyer Lemon, and it's perfect for right now). Make chili anyhow, minus company. Decorate gingerbread men with confectioner's frosting and these cute little sprinkles I bought. Spend time in bed. Think about making peanut butter balls, but don't have enough peanut butter now. Very sad. Put up tree. Decorate it very slowly. 

Have wrapped almost all of the children's gifts. Usually I procrastinate and do it on Christmas Eve, which makes me a very angry elf. I've bought prettier paper than usual, more ribbon, and have taken my time. Much better. 

The thing is, with my life, I've been been overwhelmed for so very long, and have lacked the wherewithal to manage. I'll admit that. So I have to step really far back and rethink things. I slow it down and savor the process rather than speed through it. But seriously, when all 8 kids lived here, wrapping all their presents in one night, was madness. Definitely an unpleasant elf. 

So today is good. Sunshiny and cold. Very Christmasy, and the heavy frost was beautiful. 

Take a breath and savor. Try not to let the hurrying hoard steal your joy.