Wednesday, July 29, 2020

{making plans to not have plans}

With all the quarantining time we've gotten lots of housey things accomplished. Kids have deep-cleaned their rooms and donated some of their books to the Little Free Libraries scattered around town, husband has finished some inside projects, and our old house feels fresher. Still worn in lots of places, needing some trim to be painted from years of children's scuffs...namely their grabbing of the door facings and swinging around into rooms. 

But all in all, tidier. And with 6 kids gone, fewer interruptions when I get a bee in my bonnet to do a project. 

Youngest son recently found a book in his room, one he said I'd given him awhile back, but I have no recollection of it. The artist Anne Truitt's 'Daybook.' In it, she keeps a diary of her progress on her work, and she's very, very thought-provoking. Reading her last night, I truly gave myself permission for today. With a husband set on *go* all the time, which you know, I have to mentally resist following suit, or rather feeling guilty when I stay in bed late after tea in the morning.  

Life is mentally trying now for everyone, and adding a November wedding to the mix for us is a little daunting (a word I've never used, but it fits). Something I read in another book the other day sticks in my mind. The main character is attracted to a guy friend of hers because he allows her room to, as she calls it, push back. I never push back. I take what folks set in my lap, rarely giving myself the consideration to either, refuse to participate, or to wrestle over it. I just take it. Not healthy and I end up feeling like a punching bag.

Think I'll schedule me a staycation.  Let the 3 folks I live with know of the situation, and stick to my guns. A week, or a long weekend with only what I allow. Even thinking about it sounds refreshing. And while it might sound weird, it's the intention that appeals. Sure, I only leave for grocery store trips, but to stay here with the focus on self-care, and not just *managing* might make the difference. 

Have a nice night.