Thursday, July 9, 2020

{thursday}

Seems I'm becoming even more paranoid as time passes. Tell me something new. Story of my adult life. Sometimes I just hate people!  While a store run is easy to do, it's not so fun anymore. You too?  Not to whine (everybody now), but I miss normalcy. Yeah, me and EVERYONE. Figured I'd make life less frustrating and rather than visit several places to find a couple of things we'd need, just ordered through a store app. Delivery soon, and free. A month ago I was having to do this for paper products, which are all over the place now. Meat too. Yeah, all of you know this. Did about the same with the hippie store today. They're a small store and only continue to do curbside or local shipping. I emailed, they called, I went, and with them being on the second door of an old place, they lowered my bag in little plastic basket on a rope. Like a treehouse. Whatever works. 

My struggle is not wanting to put anyone out, but hey, what I'm doing keeps folks employed, right? 

Self-care. Gracious. Like no other time. When I have something to do outside the house, I do a mental scan. Do I really want to get out in the weirdness, is it worth it, and do I seriously need to get out? Does my heart race? Will this stress rash quit cropping up on my hands? Such a chore to just live life. 

What this makes me think of is being in a continual state of 'trying to not step on a crack and break my mother's back.'  Like I'm always holding my breath. All the darn time. Waiting to hear the all clear, but I'm not. Figure enough time has passed, but apparently it's not. Thinking I can trust my local politicians, who I interpret as power hungry and grasping, but I don't. Idiots. Unable to let my guard down because of those pesky cracks in the sidewalk. 

My mantra of 'just doing today' isn't cutting it because my eyes keep rolling back in my head. If you'd told me a year ago where we'd be right now, well, no. I'd have said, 'Pull the other leg, okay?'

I'm not having fun anymore, and I'm not keen on living like zombies. 

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Eyeroll. One day closer to regular, please?