Friday, August 7, 2020

{friday afternoon}

There's this tendency I have, which will, hopefully, make sense to somebody. When our kids get into stuff, or relationships we question, I tend to imagine them being coerced into whatever they've gotten themselves into. Like they're being tricked. Maybe I'm so full of disbelief that they sway in random directions. Dunno. 

Then I'll shake myself, recognize they're willingly making those choices, and let myself off the hook. Hard. I seem to still feel responsible for what they do, even in their adulthood. I need to quit that. 

Or in my vast (supposed) wisdom, I play the prophet, visualizing where they're possibly headed. I want to hold up yield signs, holler at them to wait up, pray. Please pray. Listen to the Lord, but off they go, not considering consequences, but all in for the adventure. 

Maybe I'm over-cautious. Okay, I'm definitely cautious, but can often sense a situation before it occurs. Probably just my advanced age, remembering. 

Life is, very much, a learning experience. Has to be. And we learn hard-won lessons from our own sweat and worry. Others can talk all day, to no avail, but the pain of doing the hard stuff, and making the mistakes, prints the lessons on our souls. Just hard to watch, especially considering how many kids my husband and I have to watch and pray for. Exhausting. 

Today I'm finishing up the gardening I began yesterday. My back is reminding me to be careful, plus it's darn hot and humid. Our vegetable garden is a bit worse for wear. Tomatoes thriving, eggplant being picked today, forgot yesterday.  Banana peppers and some of the sweet lunchbox peppers doing well, but bell peppers still tiny after 3 months. Second son said tomatoes might be stealing all the nutrients from the soil. I'll buy that. Something's up. 

At the church, my husband, who is caretaker there, besides running his woodworking business, is considering yanking the sun patiens plants. They crave water, can't be watered enough in this heat, and are now more bother than their worth. 

Puts me in mind of other things in life. Is it worth the bother? Sure lessens the aggravation when you size up what you do on a daily basis. Mine is cluttered. Could do with more of a purge. And with our kids...I could benefit by praying and walking away. Not weighing down my mind with worry when plain life experiences will take care of some of the messes. 

I'm tired. Need to sweep out my soul. Focus closer to home. Let go, but isn't it hard? Rhetorical question. We know the answer. 

Take care.