Tuesday, August 4, 2020


"What he needed, what they all needed, he decided, was a feeling of expansiveness, a jolt of freedom to counter the sense of being boxed in, of having options closed down."~from 'The Sparrow' by Mary Doria Russell

Reading the above-mentioned book. Science fiction, which I never read, and a liberal sprinkling of profanity, which I dislike, but still, a strangely engaging story. This quote, though, pretty profound for our present days.

Leaving the house to shop, reading the news, even going out in the garden...all frustrating to me now. With our neighbors all home, going out and puttering in our vegetables and flowers is impossible without having to engage in lengthy 'across-the-street' conversations. It's everytime I go outside, and for this introvert it's maddening. I'm not mean. Just prefer to be invisible. 

I think some folks (my neighbors) are so hungry for mankind, any contact, that it just makes sense, but please leave me alone sometimes. 

They're on their front porch at 6am, fully dressed, I kid you not. I see them when I turn off our porch lights, before letting out the chickens. They stay out there all day. All day. Till 8 at night. I repeat. I'm not mean, just like my alone time. As it stands, I have an audience. I pull weeds, gather tomatoes, run the trimmer, they holler out to me. Oh me. Please stop. I like you too, but please hush. 

With life still feeling lockdown-ish, I'm becoming even more of a recluse. And last Wednesday I had some congestion, a hoarse cough and a headache for a couple of days. Yes, made me paranoid. Avoided Communion on Sunday, but last week, it passed, whatever it was. 

Hazel due here in an hour. She starts preschool next week. Half days, then fulltime. With masks, which, for small children, is just wrong. But, not my call. 

I'll admit, though, with her going to school fulltime, and our youngest graduated, I'm looking forward to fall. We've kept Hazel steadily on a weekly basis since she was 3 months old. She'll be 3 in October. First we kept her 2 times/week, then once a week. I'll be glad for a change in my routine. Am I allowed to say that I'm tired of taking care of folks, even those I love? I am.

Thinking that staycation I mentioned recently is due. 

And, by the way, has the other shoe dropped yet?